I'm Not Blind
by KT.polaris.star
Summary: I should be happy, be grateful that I'm alive; but how can I be grateful when I can't see? A detective's greatest asset is his eyes, not his life. REUPLOAD RxR
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: DETECTIVE CONAN BELONGS TO GOSHO AOYAMA. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.**

**YAY! So I've decided to reupload this ****fic due to requests (thanks everyone for all your kind words :)) but it will be on hiatus as I'm still thinking up ideas on how to continue it (if you have suggestions, please throw them at me!) and it will no doubt be a slow and arduous process (sorry!).**

**For this reupload, I've also edited a bit so it may be slightly (not too much I don't think) different to what it was before.**

**Let's hope this doesn't get deleted :P**

**Hope you guys like it :)**

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I'm not blind

Chapter 1

_Falling in the black, slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths, can I ever go back?  
Dreaming of the way it used to be, can you hear me?  
Falling in the black, slipping through the cracks  
Falling to the depths, can I ever go back?  
Falling inside the black  
Falling inside, falling inside  
The black._

_Falling inside the black, _Skillet

* * *

"He's awake!"

"Oh, thank the Lord."

"How are you feeling, Shinichi?"

The stenches of antiseptics fill my nostrils as my mind also begins to register the voices of mum, Ran and Hakase.

I touch my arms and curl my toes, relieved that I didn't lose any limbs. The events of what had happened that caused me to be hospitalized slowly started to rush back to me and a sense of pride swells inside me as I remember what had happened.

The Black Organisation was finally dismantled.

"Shinichi, can you hear me?"

As I slowly opened my eyes to greet Ran, darkness with specks of light fill my vision.

"Why did you guys turn off the lights?" I ask, as I try to sit up and look for a lamp beside me.

Silence.

Darkness.

_Oh._

"…S-so what's the doctor's verdict?" My voice is shaking but I don't care. This can't possibly be happening, though I guess it wouldn't be impossible considering that bastard Gin struck me and then threw me off a fucking building.

"Sh-Shinichi, the doctor said that you're recovering very well for someone that has been through a lot. You survived the critical stage when he didn't think you would make it…a-and and you woke up earlier than the predicted 2 months. " Ran's explanation sounded as if I should be happy, be_ grateful _that I'm alive; but how can I be grateful when I can't see?

A detective's greatest asset is his eyes, not his life.

"TELL ME, GODDAMN IT!" I shout, splaying my hands around and knocking over a vase as the sound of porcelain cracking and water spilling fill the silence.

"You have conversion disorder. The doctors say that it is temporary but they're not sure how long it may last." Her voice cuts through the silence that no one else dared to break. "It's not the end of the world so stop acting like a petulant three year old." Her icy, matter of fact voice makes the blood inside me boil; Haibara's right, but I hate it.

"I need to be alone for a sec."

"Shinichi, are you s—"

"Please Ran, I need some space." My eyes start to sting and I look down. I will not allow them to see me like this. The Great Detective of the East shall not show any signs of weakness. One by one, I hear the sound of shoes and heels shuffling and clicking out of the room. It's funny how without the sense of sight, everything else is magnified by ten times. It's as if the mind is trying to scrape every bit of information they can get through the other senses in order to replace the loss of sight.

But it can't be replaced.

"You do know that people would pay big bucks for a picture of Kudo Shinichi crying, right?" Only that annoying woman would pick a time like this to torture me.

"So take a picture then, I'm sure you could buy the entire _Céline _collection with that money." I say bitterly, though what I secretly want to ask is '_Are you alright?' _I remember after being given the permanent APTX antidote, she was escorted by FBI agents to help retrieve important information from the Black Organisation's online data base. Did she have any confrontations with any of the Black Organisation members? Was she injured anywhere?

-_Click_-

-_Click_-

_Of course_ she would take my suggestion literally just to irritate me even more. As the echo of her footsteps begin to sound further and further away, I abandoned my stubborn pride and ask, '…So nothing happened to you?'"

'My vision is still 20/20, if that's what you're wondering."

_Damn you, stupid woman._

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**Thanks for reading :)**

**Reviews are always encouraged ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'll slowly add in all the completed chapters in the coming weeks/days :)**

****DISCLAIMER: DETECTIVE CONAN BELONGS TO GOSHO AOYAMA. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING.****

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Chapter 2

_I'm waking up to ash and dust  
I wipe my brow and I sweat my rust  
I'm breathing in the chemicals_

_I'm breaking in, shaping up, then checking out on the prison bus_  
_This is it, the apocalypse_

_-Radioactive, _Imagine Dragons

* * *

"How are you feeling?" My therapist, Dr. Aso asks, with the sound of her biro scribbling furiously onto her notepad in the background, possibly to see whether there's any ink left in it.

"How would you feel if you just lost your sight?" Always dodge questions with questions. I do not need an overpaid shrink to pick my brains right now.

"_Close. _But I want to know how _you_ feel." Her thick Osaka accent suggests that she has not yet adopted any Tokyo twang, probably moved to Tokyo in the last five years or so. Her voice is high pitched and sharp, most likely a soprano if she were a singer, though the fact that she didn't make any comment about me humming _Amazing Grace _seems to point to the opposite_. _

_If only I could see _her.

"I feel like shit."

"Well that's a start." She says, and then writes something down. When she realises that I wasn't going to elaborate any further, she says, "This is going to help, you know, with your recovery. We can discuss any concerns…"she sounds like a sales person trying desperately to sell her products to the client even though she knows that she's beating a dead horse. As if she just read my thought, she pulls out her trump card. "You must feel sad about those kids' death. It wasn't your fault."

Ah yes.

The death of Edogawa Conan and Haibara Ai.

I remember Jodie-sensei arranging Haibara and my former seven year old's death by planting body doubles into the car crash scene and inserting convincing CCTV footages that confirmed our deaths so that Shinichi Kudo can return and Edogawa Conan disappearing convincingly.

If I didn't take the antidote;

If I wasn't so obsessed with bringing down the Black Organisation;

Would I still be blind?

_Stopitstopitstopit. _The Black Organisation has been dismantled. Whatever price I paid was worth it.

"I want a white cane and I do not want any help from anyone escorting me back to my room." If she was expecting me to have a heart to heart with her about the death of my seven year old self, she's wrong. What am I suppose to say anyway? Edogawa Conan is Kudo Shinichi? She would be the last person I say that to. For now, I'll just let her assume that I'm a 19 year old asshole who does not like to let people see his male ego bruised—most likely true anyway.

"Alright, I can arrange that." We don't talk for the rest of the session and as she hands me the white cane, she says, 'I'll see you same time next week."

Oh yes. Right. Until then.

* * *

Initially, I thought walking with my cane was pretty easy. As I clicked and clacked my way down the hospital floor, people naturally made way for me and stayed out of my way. I was feeling pretty good about myself until I heard female voices shrieking and realised that I walked into the female restroom. So then, eventually, I had to be escorted back by a nurse with laughter in the background with my face as red as a tomato, no doubt.

Well, like they say, practice makes perfect.

As I climbed onto the bed and threw the duvet over me, someone knocked at the door and said, "Kudo-kun, it's me, Jodie, and James."

"Come in." I said, and then propped myself up against a pillow. Hmm…interesting, seeing as I can't see them, there's no point in me sitting up, I could just lie down and talk to them, natural reflexes, I guess.

"We hope you are feeling better. Don't feel too bad, it's only temporary, like they say." Jodie-sensei means well, but I don't want her pity. I don't want any of them to feel sorry for me, so I pretend I didn't hear her and ask, "Are you two here to ask me about that day?"

"Well, yes," James says, and continued, "This is not really an appropriate place to discuss this but we just need to know if Gin revealed any information to you about the identity of the Boss. Considering that he vanished into oblivion after the show down, we want to know where he is now, and whether there's any potential for him to reorganise another syndicate."

"Obviously none of the members that we captured talked, though of course, they _were_ low ranking members and the high ranking agents like Gin and Vermouth both died, so we didn't know where to look. The Boss basically went off the grid."

Jodie-sensei and James sounded so stressed over the fact that there might be a Black Organisation renaissance, which I couldn't help but laugh. "You don't have to worry about that," I said and explained to them how before Gin threw me off the building, he admitted that he was indeed the Boss, even though nobody in the organisation actually knew that he was him. According to James, shortly after he threw me off, an FBI sniper shot him, and since he was so close to the building edge, he also fell. Unlike me, who landed on the top of a truck, he landed onto concrete ground and was killed instantly.

As they left, with their questions all answered in a satisfactory manner, it became apparent that I wouldn't be able to have a quiet moment to myself as Hakase and the Detective Boys all visited, staying for hours, laughing and playing games. I could do nothing but sit there and listen as they talked about the latest Kamen Yaiba movie and as they cried when they talked about how Haibara and Conan will never be able to see it.

Mum then visited, hugging and crying, and telling me how dad will fly back soon to check up on me. After that, Ran, and even Heiji and Kazuha came, along with a whiney Kogoro who eventually stayed in the lobby area to watch Yoko Okino.

It was only after the beeping of my watch that told me it was ten o'clock did I realise that the one person I was looking forward to seeing didn't come.

_Haibara._

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**REVIEWS PLEASE!**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

_You and me  
Too good to be  
Too true to be  
Too dumb to see_

_-Up all night, _Best Coast

* * *

"I'm so glad to finally have the chance to properly get to know you, Shiho!" Ran says excitedly as she rips over two sugar sachets and pours them into her coffee.

"Do you want some?" She offers, handing me the sugar bags. I shake my head and say, "no thank you, I like my coffee black."

"So that's where Ai-chan got her coffee habit…oh, I'm so sorry," she apologises, as if she treaded on some soft spot that is sensitive to talk about for this supposed cousin of Haibara Ai's.

"It's alright, I'm fine with it. What did you want to talk about?" She wants to make small talk but I am not a small talk person, especially at 10 o'clock in the morning.

"Hakase said that you were working with Shinichi on a case and that's how he referred Hakase to look after Ai-chan. How did you two meet?" Ah…So she wants to know what my relation is with Kudo-kun, most likely egged on by that nagging Sonoko.

Should I say something ambiguous and make her jealous?

I turn that thought away and played around with stirring my coffee. My hair is a lot shorter now and the colour is in a light tea shade so that I don't exactly like an adult version of Haibara Ai. Though going by her mood, she doesn't seem to be suspicious of anything.

"We met at a lecture actually. I was the new girl, and recognising Kudo from the newspapers, I sat next to him inquiring about his deduction methods and a crime scene happened nearby. He needed someone with medical knowledge, and I happened to be the only one close by." I say, hoping she won't inquire further about any technical details.

"You must be really smart then! What are you majoring in Uni? Medicine? Science?" Her inquisitive probing is harmless, I know, but it's irritating, so I distract her with the one topic she won't stop talking about. "How's Kudo-kun, is he still acting like a child throwing a tantrum?"

Her face instantly light up and becomes even more animated than before. "That detective geek is still sulking like a baby, but he's better now, the doctors say that he'll probably be able to check out within the next few days though he would still have to go back for therapy sessions."

Kudo-kun talking to a therapist? That should be interesting.

"Tell me more."

* * *

I stand outside the room 3B 03 door and take a breath. _Just go in, give him the book and leave. It's as simple as that. Why the hell am I nervous? _I know why; what if he doesn't want to see me? After my stupid, sarcastic comments the day before what if he's still angry? Knowing him, he'd most definitely hold a grudge against me and then I would probably insult him even more and it'd end with both of us behaving like immature idiots. Why can't I just bite my tongue and be nice? Why can't I be more like Ran? He obviously needs constructive criticism for his behaviours but he most likely thinks I enjoy his suffering and I really don't.

How can he understand that when I yelled at him I was trying to say that you're better and braver than this?

How can he know that I basically camped outside the hall in front his room during his comatose state in case he woke up?

He won't know because I won't tell him.

He wouldn't ask because he's an idiot.

And I'm an even bigger idiot for expecting him to understand.

I turn from the door and then I hear a voice cry, "OWWWWW…..MOTHERFUCKING…"

I rush inside the room to find the stubborn detective sprawled across the floor with snacks and drinks lying all over the ground, knocked over from the coffee table. "Baka," I say, and then went to help him up to sit back on the bed.

"I can do this myself." He says stubbornly, slowly feeling his way across to the bed.

"Is everything alright in here?" A nurse asked, popping her head in from the door.

"It's fine! I just fell down, nothing happened," said Kudo, waving his hand to dismiss the nurse.

"How can you be so stupid to try and walk on your own without a cane?" I chastise, picking up the snacks on the floor, as the nurse left.

"I was just trying to get the cane from across the room and forgot about the table."

"…Are you hurt anywhere?" I ask, trying to bite off my sarcastic remarks for as long as I can.

"Ooooh, so the cold hearted scientist actually does care about me." He says mockingly, as I grab an ice pack from the mini fridge before throwing it to him. "You can go become a cripple for all I care."

"Ouch, I'm already disabled, remember?" He says, rubbing his arm where the ice pack hit him. Though he says it jokingly, I know that he is beyond despaired about his loss of sight. How can he not, when it's one of the most important assets that a detective needs? How can he ever go around snooping like a nosey goose in crime scenes again?

"Let me have a look," I say, lifting up his sleeve to inspect the bruise. "Too bad it's nothing but a big, fat ugly bruise that some ice pack will take care of. You'll live." I start to pull away from him before he holds onto my arms again.

"Say, Haibara, do you think…..do you think I'll ever be able to see again?" He asks quietly, like a lost little boy who needed guidance.

"Like the doctors say, it's only temporary," I try to sound hopeful, I try to sound positive to make him worry less, but a part of me is scared too. What if he doesn't recover? Though the chances of that are slim, but what if he closes himself off from the world?

"If I were you, I would start listening to the doctor's words and try my best to get better. A great detective does not rely solely on his sight and use his others as secondary devices. A great detective picks himself up from the battle he has lost and hones his skills further in order to solve the case. Think about it, Kudo-kun." This is the best I can do for now, I hand him _The Memoirs of Sherlock Holmes _in braille and then turn towards the door to leave.

"…Thankyou…Haibara."

"It's Miyano now, Haibara is dead."

But I smile as I close the door.

* * *

"Shinichi, do you want curry or pasta for dinner?" Ran asks as we walk through the food section aisles in the supermarket. It has been three days since I was released from the hospital, and I had just got back from the airport after saying goodbye to mum and dad as they left for America again.

I wanted to whine like I never did when I was seven years old and ask them to stay. _Your son is a cripple! Shouldn't you be fussing over me like normal parents? _

On one hand, you have the dad who believes that kids should fend for themselves and on the other hand, you have the mum who acts even more like a teenager than you are. Combine them together, and you get a set of parents who believe that their kid, no matter what circumstance they're in, should be able to get on well on their own. In a way, they're right, I've grown used to living by myself and being independent without the sounds of nagging parents setting ground rules and curfews, but it still would've been nice if they played the part of overprotective parents. Now, since they're gone, Hakase has asked me to move in with him instead, and Ran today has decided to cook a meal for all of us, much to Kogoro's displeasure. _Ha._

"Pasta sounds good," I say, "Should we go get the tomatoes first?"

I follow her through the sound of her shoes and trolley that she's wheeling around with her as she finds the fresh grocer section and picks the tomatoes. It's becoming easier and easier for me to distinguish the different sounds and rhythm of everyone's footsteps; with some ranging from loud and smooth to soft and clunky. Ran's footsteps are loud and clunky now since she's wearing heels and though I have still not fully gotten used to the walking, it _is _getting easier.

The walking is always the hardest.

Every time I take a step, I feel as if I'm taking a stab into the unknown, like I'm going to trip, or fall with every step I take. Sometimes I feel paralysed that if I take a step I will fall into the unknown abyss. Even with the guidance of the cane, I feel like I'm stuck in a never ending labyrinth with no way out; surrounding, pulling, drowning and swallowing me whole.

_A great detective picks himself up from the battle he has lost and hones his skills further in order to solve the case._

Haibara's words come back to me and I remind myself to cut the pity party. No point in feeling sorry for myself when I can spend the time facing my fears right?

* * *

"We're back!" I shout, as I help with the limited number of grocery bags that I could carry into the kitchen.

"We're having pasta for dinner today!" Ran announces, as she unloads the groceries.

"Oooh, I haven't had that for a while," Hakase replies, I can already picture him drooling over the high fat content of those foods since apparently Haibara has recently put him on a strictly tofu diet. Harsh life, Hakase.

"Is Haibara home?" I ask, noting the absence of one's particularly sarcastic voice.

"Ai-kun has been interning at the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department as a forensic assistant," Professor explains, with a hint of proud and excitement that a father might have for his daughter.

"What?! How the hell did she get that job?" She never said anything about that. Now that I think about it, the FBI most likely gave her a new identity background with tertiary education that gave her qualifications on whatever she wanted to do. But working in the police department? That's a bit un-Haibara-ish.

_Riiiiinnnnngggg. _

_Riiiiinnnnngggg. _

_Riiiiinnnnngggg. _

I fumble for the phone in my pocket and then picked it up using the newest voice control prototype software that Hakase developed. It's quite convenient actually; I simply use the voice command and it'll be able to perform all sorts of functions such as call, Google, listening to music and GPS navigations.

"Moshi moshi," I say, while slowly walking to my room. It's the room closest to the living room and I mentally count the steps that I need to take as I walk. _10…11…12, turn right, 1…2…3…_

"Can you think of any reasons why a murderer would kill the victim, slice her up and then mix her body parts with someone else's?" Haibara's voice is straight down to business and urgent; _interesting…_a murderer, slicing the victims up and the mixing them up….almost…. like playing a game of puzzle; Haibara wouldn't call me unless it was important;

I say to her, "wait for me, I'm coming right now."

I don't wait to hear her reply and hang up; I can feel my blood rising and the jumpiness of my footsteps as I get ready to step out of my room.

A murderer playing jigsaw puzzle? Like Holmes would say, _brilliant, but why? _As I walk, I realise that I have to sneak out instead of going through the front door, knowing that if I told Ran or Hakase, they would prevent me from going and that simply cannot do.

I will use all the senses I have to the best of my ability and catch the culprit!

* * *

"That will be ¥3526, please," the taxi driver says as he pulls up to the curb.

"Is that how they do it these days?" I say, grabbing the wallet from my jacket, "treating the blind like they're idiots just to cheat a few extra yen?"

"What are you talking about? You asked to go to the police department and here you are! The fare is ¥3526, a little higher than usual because it's peak hour." He says defensively and I smile. _You picked the wrong guy, pal._

"Funny, the starting fare for Tokyo cabs is ¥710 and each additional kilometre is ¥294. From Beika Town to the police department, it's roughly around three kilometres. Add a little extra fare for traffic and it should not exceed ¥2000, yet you charge me nearly double the price. You take me for a fool?" I pull out two ¥1000 notes and hold it out for the driver. "If you try that again, I'll have you reported to the police department for fraud and deceit."

Well, thanks to the nifty apps on my phone, and the dodgy taxi driver, I have successfully arrived at the Metropolitan Police Department all pieces intact. To get to the forensic department however, would prove another challenge; there's no way I could get past the receptionist and explain to them rationally that a blind guy is going to help you solve a murder case. _Nope._

"Kudo-kun, what are you doing here?" Megure-keibu asks from behind me. His voice sounds muffled and unclear, like he's eating something, most likely doughnuts since it's around break time for him anyway.

"Megure-keibu, can you please take me to the forensic department to have a look at one of the bodies that been cut up? Hai—Uh, Miyano-san asked me about it and I think I might be able to figure it out." _Please, please, please, you gotta let me in, Megure._

"Uhhh…I don't know, Shinichi," Megure-keibu nervously starts, "I don't think in your current situation you'll be of any help to us." His voice sounds apologetic but there is also a hint of condescension; like finally, the almighty teenage detective is rendered useless.

Worthless.

"Megure-keibu, just because I'm blind doesn't mean my deduction skills have been blinded. I've still got my other senses to rely on. Please, just let me in and have a look. I promise, if I don't provide an ounce of helpful information that'll help you catch the killer, I'll never meddle in your cases again." It was a risky claim but if I don't say it, he won't let me in. I hear him grumble about how I should keep my head to myself and stop being so goddamn nosey as he reluctantly leads me up the escalator.

* * *

"Miyano, describe the victim's body to me and where she was found." The body stench is awful but not horrible enough to make you puke from a five-feet distance (at least, that's how far away Megure-keibu told me where I'll be standing); probably only a few days old.

"The victim's name is Harue Anabuki. 22 years old, English major at Tokyo University. Was found 2 nights before in the kitchen of her apartment. She was chopped into 16 different sections with her left thigh missing; the thigh left for us with the body seems to be from somebody larger than the victim with much more cellulite and bigger bone structure. Most likely older than the victim as well."

My mind is bombarded with crime scene images that I'm piecing together trying to imagine what the body would look like; a lot harder than I thought initially, since I need all the details to construct a believable crime scene, so I get Haibara to describe everything to me from the way the body was cut to the blood spatter patterns of the crime scene. Talk about a sensory overload.

Since this is the first time it has happened, nobody knows where to look for any clues or when the murderer would strike again since it is obviously the pattern of a serial murderer. But the image in my head is becoming clearer now; there's only one reason the murderer would swap the body parts.

_I've got you now._

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**Reviews :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: DETECTIVE CONAN BELONGS TO GOSHO AOYAMA. I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING!**

**I don't know if this is just me but I can't seem to find this story on the Detective Conan page? Not even when I filter the characters and normally it doesn't take this long for it to not show up on the webpage. Does anyone know what's happening?**

**Thanks :)**

* * *

Chapter 4

_The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting  
Could it be that we have been this way before  
I know you don't think that I am trying  
I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

_But hold your breath_  
_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you_  
_Over again_  
_Don't make me change my mind_

_Fall for you_, Secondhand Serenade

* * *

His whole face is lit up like a child who is waiting for Christmas to arrive so he can open his presents from Santa Claus. After his lengthy deduction on depicting the psychological profile of the culprit, Megure-keibu sent out several officers to investigate the suspects to narrow them down. Apparently the murderer is male, mid forties and has substantial medical knowledge to be able to cut the body parts in a precise manner. Of course, these are just some facts that Megure-keibu and Takagi-kun deducted, Kudo however, gave them a much more detailed profile that could probably take up ten pages. Luckily they had a voice recorder.

"Come on, Saviour of the police force," I say, "it's time to go." I grab my jacket and then pulled Kudo up on his feet and out of the lab. He'd most likely camp out here for the night if I don't say anything and I don't think anybody in there would like to hear him gloat about his achievements. They were already quite frightened by his detailed deduction, next thing I know, they'll probably point to him as a murder suspect.

"Aren't you going to stay back and help them?" He asks, as he takes out his cane.

"I'm just an assistant, they don't need me." We're outside the building now and just as I was about to hail a cab, he holds my face between his hands and then pats the top of my head._ Shit, why's it getting so hot all of a sudden? _

"You're almost as tall as me!" He whines, and I couldn't help but laugh. He's finally going back to his arrogant big detective self; maybe he needs to take on more cases to forget about his worries.

"Am I bruising your alpha male ego?" I joke, pushing him into the taxi and giving the driver the address. Since today is his first night at Hakase's house, I might give both of them a little treat and make lasagne and strawberry parfait for dessert. Hakase would _love _that.

* * *

"Shinichi, where were you? We were so worried!" Ran's voice cried as Kudo and I went inside the house. "Hakase and I tried your phone several times but you turned it off!" The room smells aromatic with hints of garlic, tomato and spices lingering in the air. Ran still has her pink apron on and if it weren't for the concerned expression on her face, this would have been a picture perfect tableau of a girlfriend preparing a nice home cook meal, waiting for her boyfriend to come home.

Why did I ever delude myself into thinking they would eat _my _lasagne?

"Shinichi, you should've told us if you were going to go out. Something could've happened to you." Hakase added, wiping the tomato sauce stains on his lips and then getting up to get another serving. Probably a third. Or forth.

I wish I could be like Hakase and just be a glutton so I can just avoid this awkward confrontation. I stand paralysed, sandwiched between Kudo and Ran like the pig in the middle.

You have the blind detective who is too curious for his own good.

You have the Angel who is too perfect to be real.

And then you have me; the girl who stands between the golden couple's happy meal date.

"It's my fault actually," I say, "I called Kudo-kun to ask about a murder case so he decided to come over to the forensic lab to check it out. Sorry for ruining your dinner." I don't know why, but I'm sounding like a bitter, petty old lady who always turns an apology into an accusation.

_Guess I really am 84 years old. _

"It's okay Shiho, I was just over worrying," She smiles at me and continues, "why don't you sit down as well? There's plenty of pasta left. I also have lemon pie that's still in the oven, Shinichi's favourite."

_Of course. _Shinichi's favourite.

My good mood from before has suddenly all but evaporated. Of course she is being nice to me. I'm the girl with a dead cousin and is 'friends' with her Kudo-kun. Even if she's actually mad at me, she wouldn't let it show because that's just who she is. _Angel._

I force a smile, telling her that I'm not hungry and then walked up to my room; leaving behind the warm laughter and joyful mood;

"Ran, guess what, I proved the entire Police Department wrong today when I helped….."

"Slow down, Shinichi, your face is a mess."

"Leave some for me for lunch tomorrow, Shinichi!"

"You have had too much already, Hakase!"

…

Retreating back to my cold and icy cave.

* * *

_-1:00 am-_

Onee-san,what is it exactly like?

How do you know when you like someone?

How is that_ like_ different from liking a friend?

_I thought I had slowly learned how to keep the feelings at bay;_

_How to not blush when he smiles at me;_

_How to stop myself from staring at him every five seconds;_

But today, it only took that _one_ smile; that _one_ arrogant gloating about solving the case and all those feelings came rushing back. The carefully constructed walls crashed down brick by brick and I am left exposed.

_Is this what it's like to _like _someone, Onee-san?_

To have your heart pulled in all sorts of directions but unable to do anything about it?

They say the furthest distance in the world is when undoubtedly knowing the love from both sides yet cannot be together.

I say, the furthest distance in the world is not when two lovers knowing the love from each other yet cannot be together; but when I stand in front of you and yet you don't know how I truly feel.

I pull the duvet over me, slipping my feet into my slippers and then walked down the stairs to the kitchen to get myself a drink. Since the pills aren't working tonight, I might as well drink myself to sleep.

_Better drunk than sober._

I grab the bottle of Sherry in the liquor drawer and pour myself a glass. _This is going to be a long night._

"Haibara, you there?" For a minute, I thought I was hallucinating until I remembered that he's living downstairs. I walk over to his room and push the slightly ajar door open.

"Can I have some?" He asks, and I almost laugh. What does he think this is? Some late night drinking club? Nevertheless, I pour him a glass and sit on the edge of his bed.

We drink in silence and I am reminded of the time we shared a bed when we were Conan and Haibara.

"_Say, Haibara…There's…There's something I want to ask you._

_Is there something on my face?"_

That night seemed like it just happened yesterday and not years ago.

Gone were the days of Haibara and Conan; intertwined and tied together by the fate of APTX 4869.

Now it's just Kudo Shinichi and Miyano Shiho.

_Strangers._

"Thanks for the cover up. I turned my phone off because I knew Ran wouldn't want me to go." He says, filling up the silence.

"She's worried about you," I say, "You should've told her where you were going instead of running around going wherever you want to just because you felt like it. It's unfair for her." I should be playing the devils' advocate and tell him that Ran doesn't understand him and never will. But I can't.

She is too much like Onee-chan.

She is too good to be left without him.

It will break her.

_But it's now breaking _you.

"Ne, Haibara, what do you look like?" Kudo asks suddenly; I hadn't realised, but he somehow got himself up from the bed and is now sitting beside me, our knees almost touching.

"Does our detective have amnesia as well?" I retort, pouring myself another drink.

"…It's just…I've only seen you as an adult once, and it was a long time ago. You look blurry in my head and I can't picture you." He sounds like a frustrated child who can't find the last piece of a jigsaw puzzle and is now sulking because of it.

What is it like, not being able to see?

A world of darkness?

A world of uncertainty and ambivalence?

A world—"W-What are you doing?" I ask, as his hands trail up to my neck and then towards my face. His hands feel for the shape of my forehead, my eyebrows, my eyes and my nose. The moonlight illuminates his pale blue eyes and if I didn't know any better, I would think he is looking at me _right _now because he can see me.

Because he wants to.

"…I want…to see what you look like." I want to pull away and smack him in the face but a part of me also just wants to stay here, like this.

Being remembered; like I'm important.

His face is so close to mine I could see the stubbles on his face and the way his mouth would turn into a crooked grin if he curved it up to 40 degrees. Gone are the baby fat on his cheeks and his boyish cute face. In front of me now is the face of a young man with high cheekbones, a strong set of jaws and a pair of eyes that look like they can see through the very dark corners of my heart.

I want to brush away his fringe that is now covering his eyes. I want to—

He pauses as he traces the shape of my lips with his fingertips. I hold my breath;

"…I…think I know what you look like now, Haibara."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. Everything belongs to its rightful owners.**

**Sorry for not updating in ages guys! There was laziness and exams and a moment where I couldn't find the file on my laptop but now I am back!**

**I am still editing the chapters so hopefully more will be up in the next few days.**

* * *

Chapter 5

_What if I stay forever?  
What if there's no goodbye?  
Frozen for a moment here in time,  
Yeah,  
If you tell me the sky is falling,  
Or say that the stars collide,  
The only thing that matters in my life,  
Is you and I tonight_

_You and I tonight, _Faber Drive

* * *

"So… why are you interning at the forensic department," I ask, "I thought you didn't like getting your hands dirty."

She takes the sherry bottle from my grasp and then takes a long swig. I don't know when we ditched the glasses and started drinking straight from the bottle, but it feels pretty damn good.

All that alcohol coursing through my veins, intoxicating my blood, intoxicating my mind; the taste of Sherry is sweet and dry on my lips; I guess I can understand how Haibara got her codename.

With my mind being dowsed with wine, I don't have to worry about what I'm going to do now that I'm blind and she doesn't have to…worry about whatever it is that made her come downstairs to get a drink in the first place.

We have been sitting in my room for probably an hour just talking and drinking; it feels nice; like we're just old friends again reminiscing about the good times instead of two strangers who knew each other from another life.

_Are_ we strangers though?

"My hands were never clean from the start," She says; I hear a small thud as she places the bottle on the floor and the squeaking sounds of the mattress moving as she lies down on the bed. "I think it'll be nice to help capture criminals for a change…I don't want to be the shark anymore."

"Sharks aren't so bad," I say, lying down on the bed as well which surprisingly, doesn't feel weird at all. I suppose that makes sense since we've slept together before; just _sleeping, _obviously. Maybe it's because I can't see anything which makes everything less awkward and really, it's not like we're doing anything, we're just talking…so you know, it's all PG-13.

"So why couldn't you sleep? Or do you drown yourself with Sherry every night?"

…

…

…

"…Haibara?"

* * *

_._

_._

_._

_Turquoise eyes._

My head throbbed as my mind tried to remember where I am.

_Shoulder length strawberry blonde locks._

Right.

_Cupid shaped lips._

Hakase's house.

_Silky smooth._

Hangover.

Shit.

Shit is right when I realised that the bed sheets my hand is clutching is actually Haibara's silk pyjamas and my hand is draped over her back—my hand is actually stroking it; _she's not wearing a bra._

Great. Thanks a lot hormones.

Other than a hangover that I have to deal with, I also have to deal with ugh…morning wood.

_Distract yourself._

I am Kudo Shinichi, Tokyo's—

_She's not wearing a bra._

I am an avid Sherlo—

_She's not wearing a bra._

_She's not wearing a bra._

_SHE'S NOT WEARING A BRA!_

Okay, I give up; by the looks of this, I'll have to take a cold shower.

I slowly lift my arms away from her and quietly—

"OWW! WHAT THE HELL?" I yell as my head receives two hard knocks;

"Keep your hands to yourself. Just because you're blind doesn't mean you can take advantage of girls." Oh, the nerve of that woman. She probably has that stupid smirk on as she torments me about being a pervert. _Urgh. _She will never let me live this one down.

"Oi oi, I was trying to extract myself from _your _tight grasp actually," I defend, but we both know it ain't true; well, at least she hasn't noticed my boner yet. _I hope._

"Pervert," She throws a pillow at my head and then walks out of the room with a loud BANG as she closes the door behind.

I sigh, rubbing the two ginormous bruises on my head and then just as my hangover headache couldn't get any worse, bile rises from my throat and before I could find my way to the bathroom, I vomit onto my bedroom floor.

_Damn it._

* * *

.

.

.

"I have to say I'm surprised that you've shown up." Dr. Aso says, as she hands me a cup of jasmine tea.

After breakfast, with Haibara giving me several more knocks on my head and forcing me to clean up my own vomit (which was a disaster) and serving me burned toast and over-sweetened coffee, Hakase drove me to the hospital for my weekly therapist appointment.

I originally didn't want to go but what the hell. Who am I kidding? I can't even clean up my own vomit! I have no idea what to do with myself. I had looked up Conversion Disorder online (talking to Siri was a disaster) and the only way to speed the healing process is to talk with your therapist. I suppose that's what I'll have to suck up and do if I want to see daylight sooner.

"I'm being a good patient." I say, trying to look relaxed and calm.

"A good patient _listens_ to his doctors words." She says, writing something down in her notepad. At least she got a new pen that actually writes. "So how was your day?"

"I woke up with a hangover and vomited over the carpet."

"I hope that's not your everyday routine," she says, "I'm glad you're opening up. Even though conversion disorder cannot be thoroughly explained by medical evaluation, we can however, try to slowly reduce those symptoms—in your case, blindness by talking to me about your worries and stress problems and the ways we can go about managing them; keeping them at bay. You don't have an alcohol problem do you?"

Her suggestions make it sound so easy but do I really want to bare my bones to someone I don't know? Although I guess it would certainly be less embarrassing than telling to someone like Ran or mum. All I want is to be able to see again and crack more cases; can she really help me?

"…Well, I really don't know what to do with myself now that I'm blind." I admit, I can't just leech off Hakase for months while doing nothing. Of course, I have no wish to attend Uni no matter how much Ran wants me to.

What would I study anyway? Criminology? Law? All that stuff is about rote learning with any actual creative thinking process or problem solving.

All I want is to just open my own detective firm and solve cases. But I've got no money and there's no way in hell I'll use my parent's.

I can't even intern at the police department like Haibara because the FBI can't falsify my tertiary education credentials since I'm known in the public. They only managed to give me a high school graduation certificate by falsifying documents of me studying online instead of attending classes at Teitan High.

"Do you wish to attend Uni?" She asks, probably surprised that I'm actually willing to cooperate with her.

"Not really. I mean, I'm a detective, I want to go out and solve cases but the police department don't want any of my help because I can't see." _I want to be a consulting detective like Holmes, _I want to say, but I have a feeling she'd probably laugh at my fanboy silliness.

"There are plenty of courses at Universities that can aid you to become a detective with better credentials such as criminal justice, or a science degree of some sort. I do not doubt your abilities, Kudo-kun, but most senior ranking officers just don't like to be made inferior of by young blokes like you." She states, but I know she was biting back words like arrogant and egotistical to describe me; which _is _true I guess, but I can't help it if they don't know when to gather crucial information about the culprit.

"How about this: Since you are in a temporary predicament and you are so eager to become a fulltime detective, why don't you start an online firm? I suppose you don't have money to set up a firm office of your own so why not set one up online? It's cheap, easy and in this technology obsessed society that we are in now, I'm sure it will be good business."

She does have a fairly good point. I can communicate with clients via email and I don't have to waste a penny! Of course, this would also mean I have to ask Hakase to develop some soft ware that would enable me to use voice control to navigate the computer but I'm sure he'll be happy to since he could probably enter that into some science competition and win prizes.

"It's not a bad idea," I admit, the wheels are already turning in my head as I think about all the cases and mysteries that I will be asked to solve.

"Oh get off your high horse, you love it." She says, and I laugh. A shrink with a sense of humour? That's probably a first.

"You should also go out more. Socialise; it'll help you get more readjusted to society and make it less anxiety-inducing when you go out. "

I nod, getting up from my chair and grabbing my cane. I may like her online firm idea but that doesn't mean I'm going to start listening to everything she suggests. I am most definitely _not _ready to be out more publicly but I'll just pretend I'm listening to her for now.

"I'm serious. It's for your own good," she says as I turn the door knob of her door,

"Yeah, yeah, I hear you," I say, walking out and closing the door shut.

* * *

**Short chapter yea i know, but chapter 6 will be up soon, stay tuned. :)**

**And if you have a moment, a review would be nice! ^^**


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING. EVERYTHING BELONGS TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNERS.**

**YAY! New chapter! :)**

* * *

Chapter 6

_I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm OK  
But that's not what gets me_

_What hurts the most, _Rascal Flatts

"Come on out Ran! Let me see how that dress looks on you!" Suzuki Sonoko shouts, while getting the sale assistants to hold up multiple sequined dresses in front of her as she checks out her figure.

"Sonoko, why do I need to buy a new dress? It's just an opening, right?" Ran asks, stepping out from the change room in a pale blue lace dress that hugged curves in all the right places.

"Well, hello? This is your first official public appearance with Shinichi in like _ages; _you obviously have to look the part of a sex goddess taming that arrogant ass hat." Sonoko says, coming up to Ran and adjusting the pleats of her dress. "This dress looks amazing on you; you have to get it!"

"Um…Sonoko, actually…" Ran starts, suddenly unable to look at her best friend in the eye. "I haven't told Shinichi about the party." Ran hurries on to explain as an incredulous expression begins to form on Sonoko's face. "It's just that he is still readjusting now that he is living at Hakase's house; I don't think he's ready to be around so many people."

"Wait…So he's living with that Miyano chick as well?" Sonoko asks, finally deciding on a long black sequined gown and went towards the fitting room.

"Yes, why?" Sonoko rolls her eyes at Ran's question. _Of course _only Ran would be stupid and naïve enough to ask a question like that.

"Ran, your husband is sleeping with the enemy, how can you be so calm? What if something happens? Shinichi is a young, hot blooded male; surely he has his urges and like you mentioned, that Miyano is attractive so why not?" Sonoko says, unzipping the dress, "I'm not saying he's being unfaithful to you but the charms of a single beautiful lady may even be too alluring for a EQ dense idiot like Kudo."

"Sonoko! Shinichi is not my husband! I've told you many times!" Ran says, her cheeks turning pink. She believes that living at Hakase's house is the best option for Shinichi since he can be looked after well but in the back of her mind, a little seed of doubt has been successfully planted in. _Yes_, what if something happens?

"Oh I'm just kidding!" Sonoko shouts from the dressing closet. "That idiot wouldn't know where to get some if he tried. He only has eyes for you."

Sonoko's attempt at lightening up the mood all the more sprouted the doubt that began to grow in Ran's mind. Ran trusts Shiho and Shinichi but Shinichi also needs help to move around so no doubt they will spend a lot of time together. _They're already spending lots of time together, _her mind tells her, reminding her of the dinner situation last night where Shinichi left without saying anything to solve yet another case. They are already friends, what if something accidentally happens between them? They have things in common, they solve cases together, they're the intellectual equivalent of each other whether as she will always be the one who listens to Shinichi talk and he vice versa when she talks about trivial gossips.

The worrying feeling that she had last night when she couldn't find him in his room was just like all the times when he left without saying a word; going off demanding justice where it is needed— only this time, it was much worse because he's now blind.

What if something happens to him?

She also shuts off the other question that was persistently surfacing through her mind yesterday; _what if he doesn't come back? _She also knows that if her mum heard what she was thinking she would tell her to grow a backbone and that women shouldn't depend their happiness on men.

But what can she do? She has been in love with Shinichi ever since that first day in kindergarten when she was crying because she misplaced her favourite doll and he helped her find it. He was acting like he was an adult while wearing a teddy bear t-shirt that even to this day, she still laughs at the thought of it.

She too wants to be the type of girl who doesn't have to follow her crush around everyday like a sick puppy dog but she has already fallen under Kudo Shinichi's spell and there is no antidote to break the spell Kudo Shinichi has cast upon her.

_No I trust Shinichi. _

_I trust him._

Still, it wouldn't hurt to ask if he wants to come with her for tonight.

"…I'll call him and ask if he wants to go then." She says, pulling out her cell phone and dialling the number.

"Moshi moshi,"

"Shinichi, Sonoko's uncle has organised a little opening party tonight at their new restaurant. Do you want to go with us?"

"….Um…Okay, sure. What time?" His reply surprises her for she was sure that he would reject her offer.

"Seven o'clock," Ran says, smiling as she happily goes to the reception to pay for her dress. "Oh and Sonoko says we'll come and pick you up,"

"Well, she's being generous. I'll see you later then."

"Okay, bye." She hangs up the phone smiling like a dumbfounded girl in love. _Shinichi sounded like he was looking forward to it…_Maybe she was worrying too much after all.

* * *

"Ai-kun, you look so pretty today, are you going out later?" Hakase asks as the strawberry blonde came downstairs wearing a beige pleated dress with beading embroidery.

"Don't start smiling just yet," Haibara says, walking to the shoe cupboards to pick out a pair of black suede heels. "I've left you two some food in the fridge, so don't even _think_ about ordering take out."

"Where are you going?" Shinichi asks, closing his _Sherlock Holmes _in Braille, and sitting up a lot straighter too, if anyone noticed.

"Don't tell me it's with Higo Ryusuke! Are you guys officially going out now?" Hakase gossips, squealing like a teenage girl about her favourite couple as Haibara's face turns slightly pink.

"He just invited me to dinner at his friend's restaurant. It's no big deal."

"Wait, Higo Ryusuke as in Higo Ryusuke the soccer player for Big Osaka?" Shinichi asks again, as his mind tries to make sense of everything. "How the hell did you manage to catch a big fish like that?" He was only being curious, but he couldn't help to keep the sarcasm out of his words. _Why didn't you tell me? _He wants to ask, he knows that she admires Ryusuke for his abandonment of being on Noir Tokyo after they betrayed him, but he didn't know that she would be interested in him romantically. _Wait, was she interested in him romantically? _From Hakase's comment about her looking pretty, she must have really dressed up for this dinner date; by the sound of her heels though, it's probably less than three inches, so not _that _high and according to his mum's words, not the _I'm-so-smitten-and-in-love-I-want to dress to impress_ mentality that you have for a date. Of course, this is Haibara, Queen of Misleading Kudo Shinichi, so he could be wrong.

Now that he thinks about it, he wonders what Haibara's type is.

Someone athletic like Higo?

Someone intelligent like Mitsuhiko?

Someone intelligent _and _athletic?

"Actually, _he_ asked me out," Haibara says, sitting down on the sofa and picking up an issue of _ComCom._

"Well, he certainly has terrible taste," the detective muttered before being hit with a pillow.

"Hey, this face is also going out tonight, so you better not wreck it!" Shinichi says, pretending there is a bruise on his cheek.

"Mr. Detective actually has a social calendar? Wow, now _I'm_ the one that's surprised," Haibara remarked, whilst checking the time on her phone, "I thought you had decided to be an angsty, anti- social teenager,"

"Aren't you going to ask me where I'm going?" Shinichi says as he hears the pages of the magazine being closed and the clicking of heels sounding further and further away.

"Probably some date with Mouri-san," Haibara says casually before saying goodbye to Hakase and saying to Shinichi, "So you're going to go out in sweats and hoodies? I feel sorry for Mouri-san."

"Damn you, woman!" Shinichi shouts, as the front door swings shut, before pulling Hakase to his room and asking him to find him a suit and a decent pair of trousers from the closet.

* * *

"Shinichi, I know you're blind, but do you have to actually_ dress_ like you're blind as well?" Sonoko comments as Ran helps Shinichi into the black limousine.

"Hakase helped me get dressed. Why, what's wrong?" Shinichi asks cluelessly as Sonoko begins to laugh.

"What's wrong?" Sonoko repeats, wiping the tears from her eyes as she clutches her stomach, still laughing.

"Black trousers, blue power suit that looks way too big on you with a beige button down and red bow tie? You look like that little brat….on steroids…." Her words die down as she begins to realise how much it still upsets Ran when she mentions the little boy, so she quickly says, "I mean you look like a fashion victim from some 90s romcom. Ran, how could you let him out of the house looking like that?!"

"Actually, I think Shinichi looks pretty cute," Ran giggles,

"Well, _sorry, _if I appear on the worst dressed list in some stupid tabloid." Shinichi mutters, beginning to regret his decision on going to the party. He had agreed because Dr. Aso said it would be good for him to go out. Of course, he initially didn't plan on listening to her words but when the opportunity presented itself, he thought _why not? _

Maybe this kind of exposure could be of some help for him before he start up his online firm.

Maybe this could be kind of fun.

_Maybe._

The rest of the car ride Shinichi remains silent as Sonoko talked to Ran about the latest fashion and celebrity gossip.

His mind however, was rewinding in circles about Haibara's date with Higo. As Hakase was helping him getting dressed, he had asked about how Higo and Haibara met.

"_Oh, Ai-kun was at a Big Osaka soccer match with the Detective Boys a few weeks ago and she met Higo-kun when a murder case broke out and Higo-kun was made a suspect. _

_Ai-kun had just started interning at the forensics department so she knew Megure-keibu and helped solve the murder so that Higo-kun's name was cleared. I suppose, he asked her out after that and yeah."_

For some unknown reason that he can't seem to figure out, the idea of Haibara getting cosy with another guy does not sit well with him.

_He _and Haibara are partners in crime.

They assisted each other on murder cases.

They had heated intelligent debates when they're watching crime dramas.

They kept the secrets of each other when they were reliving their lives under their seven year old guises.

They had inside jokes that made the Detective Boys watch with envy.

.

.

.

_But that was Edogawa Conan and Haibara Ai._

Last night, he had thought they were back to where they used to be. Friends sharing thoughts and having witty banters;

It wasn't until this morning when he woke up with her around his arms and she giving him the cold shoulder because he made such a mess that he realised that there are still so many things about her that he didn't know about. She is Miyano Shiho now, but to him, she is still Haibara Ai.

What was she doing when he was still in a coma?

Did she still have nightmares about the Black Organisation?

Does she still talk to her sister at night when she couldn't sleep?

Rather than the pretty, grown up Miyano Shiho that she is now, he much preferred and missed the anti-social, sharp witted, self proclaimed eighty-four year old girl who was trapped inside a seven year old's body.

At least back then, she relied on him when things got tough.

She allowed him to look after her when she got sick.

She told him about her silly thoughts and feelings.

He misses that girl. And he's afraid that with her new beau, she might not rely on him anymore and their friendship would drift further and further apart.

Shinichi heard the clicks and flash of cameras and paparazzi's shouting, asking for photographs and one minute celebrity interviews. _The Suzuki Group certainly goes all out, _Shinichi thinks as the driver opens their car door.

"It's okay," Ran says, holding Shinichi's hand and helping him out of the car. "Don't be nervous. I'm here." Yes, with Ran by his side, he can certainly bite his teeth to get through a night of paparazzi's probing. After all that Ran has been through for him, he'll do his best to enjoy the night. _Even_ with Sonoko's nagging.

"Kudo Shinichi! Give us a smile!" Voices shout from his left and right and he was pretty sure he was stepping on someone's smart phone as he and Ran walk from the crowding reporters blocking their path way to the restaurant. Security was hopeless at maintaining the crowds as the A-listers began to arrive in their expensive Armani suits and Chanel frocks. They were just about to enter the main restaurant entrance when he heard two reporters shouting to their camera man crew, "Hey, let's move to the back doors! Yuki just texted saying Ryusuke is going through the back entrance with some mystery lady!"

_Oh, you gotta be kidding me._

* * *

**Reviews would help out a lot! :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Detective Conan. Everything belongs to its rightful owners.**

* * *

Chapter 7

_I was trying to catch your eyes  
I thought that you were trying to hide  
I was swallowing my pain  
I was swallowing my pain  
I didn't mean to hurt you  
I'm sorry that I made you cry  
Oh my I didn't want to hurt you  
I'm just a jealous guy_

_Jealous Guy, _John Lennon

* * *

"I didn't know I had to sneak around like a fugitive in order to have dinner with Big Osaka's infamous soccer player." I joke, as Higo-kun leads me through the restaurant kitchen where the chefs are busying themselves with chopping and food supervision.

"Unless you want to be the top news story in every Tokyo tabloid, I suggest you adjust yourself to the fugitive lifestyle." He jokes along; I don't know when it happened but we are holding hands as we exit the kitchen and into the main lobby of the restaurant. Normally I would probably pull away but well, let's just say it's a blush worthy experience to have your hand held by a person you've admired for a very long time.

_Whoa, _am I having a fan girl moment?

Higo-kun leads me to the dining room where the rich and famous are lingering as waiters pass the gourmet finger foods around on trays.

The setting of the restaurant is decorated with vintage chandeliers and Francis Bacon paintings. Famous film stars talk amongst themselves while touching the different articles of their clothing to their friends, showing off. This place seems more like a place to source juicy gossips than a restaurant opening celebrating fine cuisine.

"Shinichi, slow down, who are you looking for?" _What a small world. _I don't bother turning around because that high pitched, doll like voice can only belong to one person. I grab Higo-kun by the elbow and was just about to suggest we go somewhere else when that voice sounds again,

"Ne, Is that Shiho-chan over there?"

"Shiho! Hi!" I drop my hands and turn around, facing the golden couple as Higo-kun whispers, "Is that Kudo Shinichi, the famous teenage detective?"

I nod, watching as they walk towards us. Kudo-kun looks like a dope in his suit, probably Hakase's since it fits way too big on him. If it weren't for the current situation, I might have found humour in him seeking fashion advice from Hakase.

"Shiho-chan you look so fashionable!" Ran compliments, wrapping both her arms around Shinichi's. Why does he look so pissed off?

"And you look exquisite also," Higo-kun says, before introducing himself, "My name is Higo Ryusuke. Shiho's date for the night."

"Oh, you're that soccer player right! How lovely to meet you!" Ran exclaims, "My name is Mouri Ran and this here, is Kudo Shinichi,"

"Nice to meet you two, I've read some of your cases in the paper, Kudo-kun. Quite brilliant, actually;" Should I be surprised that even Higo-kun is a fan of Kudo's? At least he's EQ is high enough not to mention Kudo's sightlessness.

"Uh, thanks," Kudo says, looking down and shuffling his feet. He is being suspiciously fishy tonight, acting like a sullen, sulking nine year old.

"Shinichi, weren't you looking for someone before?" Ran asks,

"Huh? No, I wasn't looking for anyone, why would I be looking for anyone? I don't even know these people; I was uh, you know, just looking for the toilet," he is the worst liar ever. I watch as he fumbles for the foldable cane in his pocket before loosening Ran's grip on him to go find the toilet.

"Are you sure you can find it?" Ran calls out,

"Uh Yeah, I'll be fine,"

Ran turns back to us and smiles; what, are we supposed to wait for that idiot to come back?

"Shiho-chan, if I had known you were coming here today, we could've arrived together," she says, oblivious to the awkwardness that's between us, "Maybe, we could all go out one day, like a double date!" She's assuming I'm dating Higo-kun, I suppose, that's not a bad assumption.

"Perhaps," I smile wryly, "Ryusuke and I actually have some place else to be, have a good night." I grab Higo-kun's hand and this time, I'm the one who leads him through the kitchen doors and out into the back alley.

* * *

"Ex-boyfriend?" Higo-kun asks as we walk through the dark alley and out onto the main street with its busy city lights illuminating our shadows.

"Actually, he's just an annoying detective who thinks I'm part of some secret assassination group," I say, whispering into his ear like it's a secret he is privy to.

"Oooh, should I be scared?" Higo-kun plays along, which is what I like about him. He knows where to press the right buttons.

"Don't worry, you're too good looking to be dead." We are walking towards a park though Higo-kun's car is parked on the main street.

"From my bystander perspective, it looked like Kudo-kun was looking for you yet trying to avoid you." he says, walking towards a wooden bench by the grass and sitting down. "And you look like you want to avoid him too. If that isn't the behaviour of two exes, I don't know what is."

"Oh, so you're the love guru now, are you," I say, "well, what else can you tell me about my love life?"

"It's pretty messed up I think. You wanted them to think we're dating, even though we're not." I raise my eyebrows at him and he continues, "You normally call me Higo-kun, yet just then, in front of Mouri-san, you called me Ryusuke and then led me possessively away just like a possessive girlfriend in those sappy Korean dramas."

"Wait a second," I say, interrupting his deductions, "_You _were the one that asked me out in the first place, therefore I would assume you have some interest in me, yet here you are trying to psychoanalyse my love life like I'm your patient and you're my therapist…_You _must have your own silly love qualms. Some _tragic love stor_y?" I repeat his joke back to him, trying to shift his attention off of me, but it seems as if I had hit the jackpot and guessed right about his love life for he's now quiet and is looking off into the distance deep in thought.

.

.

.

.

"…We're just friends," Maybe it's the chilly air in the night, or the casual way we're just sitting around and talking; but I feel like I want to confide in someone and maybe he does too. We're not too familiar with each other yet we seem to share so many similar experiences.

Maybe he understands.

"Friends in denial," I laugh at his suggestion, "I'm serious, the guy looked like he was about to punch me just for going on a date with you. Even though he can't actually _see _me,"

"Yeah, I guess he's pretty territorial like that," I say, "He likes to play the knight in shining armour. Except, I'm not the damsel in distress."

"In my experience, it's the girl that ends up saving the guy." He says, absentmindedly toying with his phone.

"So what's your story?" I ask, he has grown talkative again but I want to hear his story because I don't want to be the only one to appear weak. "You seem to be wiser than you look,"

He doesn't answer me and so we sit, watching as families go home and couples bid their farewell kisses.

"She pulled me out from my darkest days." He said suddenly, "She was there when I didn't need her…when I realised that I did…she was gone. I wish I had known earlier."

_Gone…_From his tone of voice, it sounds like she had left this world. I turn to face him and I see that he is not just simply telling this for my benefit but for himself as well. He must've kept himself bottled up all this time because now he looks much more relaxed than before.

"Wanna go get some ice cream?" He asks, smiling, and I smile back.

It's nice to have a pity party…with a friend.

* * *

**Okay, yes I know, this is a super duper short chapter but then next will be up soon and it'll definitely be longer!**

**Thanks for reading and reviews would be great! :)**

**HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer- I do not own Detective Conan, everything belongs to its rightful owners.**

**Here's chapter 8 in its full glory! (If anyone's still reading this, sorry about the long wait)****  
**

* * *

Chapter 8

_Then, one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...you give them a piece of you. _

_They don't ask for it. _

_They do something dumb one day like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore._

_-The Sandman Vol.9, _Neil Gaiman

* * *

The ticking of the grandfather clock is the only sound that fills the living room as I read about Holmes in _The Sign of Four_. The clock has already chimed its sequence sound thrice. This means that it is now 1 am and I have been reading the last chapter for three hours.

Why? Because I love this chapter so much?

No. I wouldn't know; my fingers are just skimming over the indentations without me actually comprehending anything. And it's not because I can't read Braille. I taught myself to read it years ago when there was a murder case with a clue left by the victim that was written in Braille.

No, all I can think about is how it's now 1 am and Haibara isn't home yet and how she might get raped or chopped to pieces by some psychotic serial killer.

Of course, none of this thinking process is making any sense since Haibara is with Higo and the chances of her meeting the serial killer is slim as—

A) She is not alone.

B) She is in Tokyo CBD while the killer's hunting ground is more on the outer skirts at apartment blocks.

C) She is not stupid enough to get herself cornered in such a situation

But why is she still not home yet? Is she spending the night with Higo?

Okay, let's revisit the facts.

She denied being in a relationship with him, though she could be playing coy; with Haibara, you never know, especially since I can only really gather my intel through what I hear.

I mean, after I came back from my loo excuse, Ran told me that they had somewhere else to be so they left early. Was she really that eager to get in his pants? Though now that I think about it, she never said a word during our meeting…was she feeling unwell? Most unlikely since it's bloody past midnight and she's still not home.

Why am I reading so much into this? Worrying something over nothing? I can already hear Haibara's voice scolding me as if she knew what I was thinking. 'I am a grown woman who can do what ever I want and you, tan-tei san need to get start minding your own business before worrying about who I spend the night with.'

Blah blah blah.

Urgh. Focus on something else.

Hakase has long been snoring away since he has to leave tomorrow morning to go to a science exhibition in Yokohama for two days. So it'll just be Haibara and me. Unluckily for me, this means that I have suffer through her low sodium diet while Hakase gets to have steak and foods rich in fat content.

Maybe I could take her out and bribe her with some Fusae bags so that I can have some hamburgers….

Hmmmm….

"We…do…..again some time."

Footsteps and voices sounding outside the porch and from what I can hear, it must be Higo's voice. Well, damn him for not bringing her back earlier. I close my book and scoot closer to the edge of the sofa so I can hear better.

Which, didn't make that much of a difference..

"Do…..better company?"

"….Maybe….."

Their voices are soft and low, I can hardly make out anything. Wait, why the hell do I care so much if she does? Like the imaginary her said in my mind, she's an adult now, she can do whatever she wants, why am I acting like a…like a…?

Haibara laughs at something Higo says and something turns inside my stomach. She never laughs like that when I crack a joke. All she does is pull a blank face at me whenever I even attempt to humour her. They must be doing that clichéd scene from movies where the guy takes the girl home and they make awkward conversation on the front porch steps before the guy leans in and then gives the girl a kiss at the front door.

_Ewww…_-gag-

_Didn't you do that with Ran before? _

Wait, did I? Well, that's a different story— Ran and I go way back and we are established as an item as Sonoko would prefer to call it, whether as— okay, now I just sound like a narrow minded, prejudicial old man.

Haibara can do whatever she wants with Higo-kun. See if I care, pffft, _why_ should I care, anyway?

The front door opens and I hear the sounds of keys being retracted. I hastily lie in a horizontal position across the sofa pretending to be asleep, hoping she won't realise I'm in the living room and just go up to her room when I hear the clicks of the floor lamp bring switched on. Her heels make almost no sound at all as she walks across the room and then takes them off, putting the heels into the shoe cupboard. I hold my breath as I hear the sounds of her slippers quietly shuffling further away –wait, is she going to my room? Her footsteps come back to the living room again and I put on a sleeping face with my mouth hanging open as I hear her approaching me. She's not going to wake me up and yell at me for sleeping in the living room is she?

My body becomes comforted by the warmth of the polar fleece blanket that she lays upon me. Her gestures are soft and gentle as she covers the blanket over me— she's afraid to wake me up. She tucks the blanket securely over my shoulders and my face becomes warmer than before. She seems to be lingering for a bit before I hear her footsteps going up the stairs.

_Huh. _

.

.

.

* * *

"Goodbye Hakase," I say, as Hakase drags his suit case outside to load it into his Volkswagon. Haibara had already left for work which is really weird since it's only nine in the morning and that woman is like a panda who needs like fifteen hours of sleep each day.

"I'll see you in a few days Shinichi," Hakase says, coming back up to the front door, "Now are you sure you're alright? I'm sorry to leave you all alone, should I call Ran up here?"

"She has classes today, don't worry Hakase, it's just temporary blindness, eh?" My attempt at cracking jokes failed miserably as Hakase laughs nervously before patting me on the back and walking towards his car. I say goodbye one last time and then closed the door before walking back to my room.

I have thought back to Dr. Aso's words and I think her suggestion could really be put into practice. I have been using a text to speech software to navigate searches online on setting up an online detective agency. It's taking longer than I imagined as I have to listen to all the descriptions of texts and sounds to get to the pages I want and then set up a domain web address for the website and so on. My limited programming skills are really being put to the test.

It would be easier if I got someone to do this for me but a part of me is scared that if I tell Ran or Hakase or Haibara that I want to start up my own firm, I might be seen as a joke. It's not as if I was blind to the snickers and back talk at the police department a few days ago. I wanted to retort back to their faces and tell those officers that the so called handicapped _useless _teenager just helped you guys find a serial killer.

No, I have to do this alone to prove to them while my sight may be temporarily stolen from me, I am still a skilled and competent detective!

.

.

.

* * *

_"Did you miss me?"_

_"Did you miss me?"_

_"Did you miss me?"_

_"Did you miss me?"_

_"Did you miss me?"_

I click the exit button on my laptop as the finale of _SHERLOCK _ends. I have just finished binge re-watching season 3 of BBC _SHERLOCK_— with audio description of course and dang did they end it with a bang.

My website is left half unfinished as my limited programming knowledge and audio knowledge is really inhibiting my website set up skills. I'll finish it later.

My ears perk up at the sound of the front door opening and I get up from my seat. It should only be around 3 in the afternoon, Haibara can't be back from work already…

"Ara Kudo-kun, what are you doing, watching porn?"

"Well, if only I could," I said drily, "Aren't you supposed to be at work? Slacking off already?"

"They're report writing today and they want me to write as well but then I told them that if that was the case, they'll be treating me as if I'm an employee when I'm only an intern and it's against the law so they let me off."

Maybe it's the warmth of the sun burning my neck, or the itch all over my body that urges to do something, anything, than sit around all day, that I say,

"Ne, Haibara, how about you say let's go have some fun today? Hang out with the Detective Boys!"

"What are you up to, Kudo," She asks suspiciously,

"You don't have work today, I don't have anything to do, Hakase is away," I shrug my shoulders, "Besides, I haven't seen those brats in a while,"

"They're at school."

"Oh," I say, remembering that it's not the weekend. "Well, just us then, let's go somewhere."

She is quiet for a moment, no doubt questioning my motives, before saying, "No."

"Why, you have a date with Higo?_,"_ I joke.

"Oh my, are you jealous?" She says devilishly,

"Pffffft, as if," I say, turning my back to her, but we both know that her answer was a yes as I hear the sound of her sliding wardrobe door and the shutting sound of her door.

I'm left thinking about her last retort though, because….somewhere in the back of my mind, I am reminded of that twisty feeling in my stomach when I had thought she was spending the night with Higo and that they'd…_No, _I was just worried about her that's all. After all, I had promised that I would look after her, I was just being over protective.

"Well, what're you doing staring off into space? Let's go," She says, snapping her fingers and snapping me out of my inner monologue. I grab my jacket and then realise that apart from all my big talk, I have no idea where we're going.

* * *

**So chapter 8 was all I'd written so far before this was deleted by fan fiction and then I reuploaded it. My ideas are slowing down so this is where another long writing process will start. I don't know when I'll finish chapter 9- maybe weeks, maybe months, but I will try my best to write it and not ditch it. **

**Thanks, you guys are the best :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Happy uber late new year everyone! I'm so sorry about the slow update, I've been busy with school and getting my life together that I've been putting off the writing and updating (if anyone is still reading this, thank you for your patience x).**

* * *

Chapter 9

* * *

_Do you ever think  
When you're all alone  
All that we could be?  
Where this thing could go?_

_Am I crazy or falling in love?  
Is it real or just another crush?  
Do you catch a breath  
When I look at you?  
Are you holding back  
Like the way I do?_

_Crush,_ David Archuleta

* * *

"Okay, I know I said to go _somewhere, _but the mall? Really?" I hiss, making a stomping gesture with my cane as Haibara hands me another shopping bag to carry.

Oh, the nerve!

"Cheer up, you're doing well as my personal shopper so far." We arrive at another shop as I hear the sound of Haibara flicking through clothing racks. "Because I have an excellent career in the art of carrying shopping bags," I shot back sarcastically.

I can now recognise the distinct footsteps of Ran, Haibara and Hakase, from the sounds they make, the rhythm and the type of shoes they wear. Ran almost always wear flats and has the tendency to shuffle her feet as she walks. Hakase likes to wear runners—specifically _New Balance_, though I keep telling him to switch brands since if he wants to become as famous as Steve Jobs, he better not be known as a copy cat. And Haibara likes to wear heels, with the clanging sound her shows make, but they never seem to be higher than two inches, judging from the echoes when she walks.

My sense of direction is also better than before. I can memorise the subtle twists and turns more easily now and know that we are nearing the end of level 2 womenswear in Beika's _Isetan_.

My hands are now aching from clutching the dozens of shopping bags that Haibara has me carrying. Sometimes, I think her joy in life is to see me suffer.

Ha, I'll show you.

"Hey Haibara, I know where we should go."

* * *

.

.

.

"Honestly, Kudo, I don't know why you bother," Haibara starts, much to my confusion. We're at the beach, one place I know that Haibara dislikes due to, and I quote 'dirty sand, getting into my shoes and clothes'; Yet, now that we're here, she doesn't seem angry or pissed off. "How can you piss me off by bringing me to the beach when I get to enjoy the beautiful view while all a certain detective get is the roaring sea wind?"

See what I mean? She revels in my misery.

"Didn't know you were little miss sunshine now," I mutter, dropping myself to the soft sand and facing the setting sun.

"You know, you've been an annoying pissy brat with a lot of attitude today," she pauses, then says, "and it's not from carrying my shopping bags."

"Didn't sleep well," I say, regretting immediately as she then asks,

"Don't tell me that's why I found you on the couch yesterday," the sand on my left moves as she sits down beside me. "You actually waited?" Her voice sounds surprised yet also pleased, though I'm not sure why.

"My my, could this be jealousy that I smell?" She's teasing, I know. It's what she always does, yet this time, I'm actually really pissed off.

"You hit the nail on the head. I am oh so incredibly jealous." I say, drawing out my tone so it sounds like an incredulous remark, yet it rings truer than I would like to admit.

Though what am I jealous of?

Jealous that Haibara is settling into her new life happier than I am?

Jealous that Haibara is not spending time with her _me_?

Or jealous that she's actually taken an interest in someone;

_Shut up._

My response must have surprised her as well for we both remain silent before I then go on to dig an even deeper hole for myself. "I mean you're one of my best friends. We're partners. Of course I'm a little jealous that you're spending lots of time with him." _Oh god, shut up already._ "But, you know, it's none of my business."

"So I'm like the _best friend _who's supposed to be at your beck and call and _spend lots of time with you_", she spats, "Because I have no life of my own and Kudo Shinichi is the centre of my life. The shining beacon."

"No! That's not what I meant!" I say, exasperated, god, my mouth can be such a dumbass sometimes.

"That's exactly what you meant," she says, "You want everyone to be in love with you, fixating all their attention on you while you don't give a crap about anyone but yourself!"

Her words cut through me like glass because they're true. I did expect her to be by my side unconditionally but how could she think that I didn't care about her?

"I know," I say, "I'm a spoiled, egotistical douchebag because I thought it was only natural that you'd stand by me. I guess I was just used to our routines back when we were little. We did every thing together back then, it's hard for me to adjust to the situation. But don't you _ever _think that I don't care about you." I say, the sand around us has become damp now as the tide comes in. "I waited for you last night because it was late and you hadn't come home yet and I just started to worry….about stupid things." It's weird but the air- atmosphere between us feels even more tense than before. I'm trying to prove to her that I care about her yet the more I explain, the tenser the air becomes.

"I care about you." I repeat again, "And I don't want everyone to be in love with me…" My words hang in the air as I mull over my defensive tone. Did I want Haibara to like me? Because that would mean….

No.

I laugh to myself.

The heart of a girl whom one likes. That's Ran, as it should be.

Haibara is my friend.

That's why I care about her.

Nothing more, nothing less.

"Well, you're in luck, cause I'm not," she says, breaking the silence as she throws a wet sand ball into the ocean. "Who would be interested in a nerdy detective whose ego is bigger than his head." Her response reminds me of that time where she said something about wanting to remain small forever. "Just kidding." She said, her expression cheeky with that sassy tone of hers. This should please me but it does the opposite. Haibara seeing me as something more than a friend would just ruin our friendship and make everything awkward between us yet there's that knotty, disappointed feeling inside that feels sad since I'm not her type.

Man, I am just as self centred as she says.

"Yeah yeah," I say, waving her insult away, then noting the dampness of the sand around me and the tickle of water around my toes, I turn to Haibara, "the tide's coming in."

"And we should leave."

"Wait," I say, getting my self up from the sand and then without warning, I run towards the sea.

Because the conversation we're having now means nothing to me.

Because I want her to know that I do not care what she thinks of me.

Because I want the tensions from before to be gone.

Because.

Because.

Because.

"Try it, Haibara!" I shout, splashing my face with the ice-cold salt water as another wave comes and splashes my pants wet.

"Baka, I'm going."

"At least, give me my cane! Blind, remember?"

As the sound of feet splashing through water comes closer and closer to my right side, I bend down and heave as much water as I can with my hands to my right and I know I hit my target when Haibara scowls at me "You're gonna wish you never did that." I laugh and my face gets rewarded with a wave of seawater. I lose my ground trying to get back at her. I lick the salt water around my mouth and pull myself up from the cold sea water when suddenly, that vast blankness I've just started to get used to become a shimmer of that transparent sheen of blue with grainy sand beneath it. My feet loses its grip once more and I fall back down to the shallow waters. I grasp for that grainy texture beneath me and it's there, sand slipping through my fingers but other than that, nothing.

It's gone.

Nothing that vaguely resembles water- or sand. It's that utter incomprehensible blank space that fascinates and infuriates me at the same time.

Did I just imagine all of that?

"Urgh, I'm soaking wet." I say, pulling myself out from the waters. I drench my wet pants and walk towards the dry sand—wherever that is as Haibara hands me my cane.

"Hurry up! Our parking time is almost up!"

I mutter a sarcastic reply and follow behind. And just like that, I can feel that we're back to being comfortable around each other.

My soaked pants drag my pace behind, my hands rub against each other, feeling the friction of the grains of wet sand.

They said I could gain my vision back any time— that it's unpredictable.

Is it happening right now?

Am I slowly gaining my sight back?

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN!**

**Sorry about the cliff hanger, this is actually also to motivate me into writing and updating more but because I don't have anything specific or even a determined ending in mind, unfortunately, it might be another while before there's a new chapter.**

**I don't want to write a whatever chapter/ending and have the characters deviate into completely different personalities and want to keep it as realistic as possible- though I feel I am already dragging the story to tedious territories. If there's any critiques you want to offer about how I write the characters, or some type of arc you think that forwards/suits this story, feel free to pm me or write a review!**

**Any help/comments are appreciated!**

**Thank you guys!**

**x**


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